The Mystery of Doctor Strikenheisen
Who is Sparticus Algernop Strikenheisen?
Some would say he is the TRUE most interesting man in the world. That is, if you were to believe just a portion of the conspiracy theories. Is he a doctor of medicine, a doctor of astrophysics, a doctor of philosophy, or even a doctor at all?
The tales of Dr Strikenheisen are as numerous as theories about his origin. And how exactly did he wind up working in Holiday Lanes bowling alley in Bossier City, Louisiana as he describes it, as a “Theoretical Bowling Researcher?” And how does Holiday Lanes manage to fund a basement research lab that is the envy of CERN and NASA?
“He has been a game changer in the bowling entertainment industry,” says Robin Williams, Marketing Maven for the Holiday Lanes Center for Bowling Entertainment Technologies. “His inventions had revolutionized the Bowling Entertainment Experience.”
But the Secret Labs, as the HLCBET has been nicknamed, has come under fire from the traditional bowling community. “This is an abomination to the purity of bowling,” says Mitt Cruz, founder of the Bowlers for Plain Bowling, “people do not go to bowling alleys to be entertained, we go to bowl!” His group of 10 angry bowlers have routinely protested outside of Holiday Lanes with signs that say such thing as “Party Bots are Taking Human Jobs,” and “Don’t Eat Teleported Foods.”
One of the most interesting conspiracy theories about the Doctor is the claim the he may actually be a Time Lord. Photos from throughout history have been found that strikingly resemble Dr. Strikenheisen. “It certainly explains his uncanny scientific knowledge and abilities,” says Fabio Leonard, founder of the “Strikenheisen Through Time” web site.
In any matter, Doctor Strikenheisen has changed the rules of Bowling Entertainment. His inventions have transformed and split the industry. “We are living at a turning point in History, and I am excited to be living in it!” says Ronald Flasherbacknar, the President of the Universal Bowling Entertainment Society.
When asked for comment, Dr. Strikenheisen simply says, “I like making stuff” and scurries away into his secure basement laboratory.
The Doctor is definitely a man of mystery. His interests include bionics, trans-warp beaming technology and cloning. He has a disdain for recreational drug design, which he calls “poopy science.” But, it is safe to say his greatest invention is yet to be seen.
We are just so privileged to have him at Holiday Lanes. And business has definitely grown because of him,” says Williams. “Frankly, I don’t care where or WHEN he came from.”
Doctor Strikenheisen is definitely laughing that one up all the way to the bank.
The man and his inventions:
Dr. Strikenheisen is a forever optimist. He's always just working out "a few little bugs". While this may be of frustration to some of the Holiday Lanes staff, they can not deny that his inventions may be the next big things in bowling.
You may have seen his first inventions, the Holiday Lanes Bowling Goggles, Party Bot and The Yumminator but you'll be blown away by The Pro. The bowling pro at Holiday Lanes will blow your mind. You've never seen anything like it! It's serendipity, baby!
Check out all of Holiday Lanes and Dr. Strikenheisen's bowling inventions:
Photo Gallery: Dr. Strikenheisen, through the ages?
Whether these are historical photographs or clever forgeries, the resemblance is “striking.”
*** This is complete satire and any resemblance to Dr. John Goddard is purely intentional.